I would just go ahead and assume that he is telling you the truth. If he is trying to work through some problems or he is trying to figure things out with an ex-girlfriend, it may take a bit. I am surprised that this has been going on for a year though. It seems like it would be fairly easy to figure just about anything out in an entire year. Are you sure that he is actually single? What exactly is he trying to work through right now? Have you guys talked about being exclusive yet?
Trust your instincts from the very first contact with a potential boyfriend. Did he get a little too drunk on your initial dates? A man who can’t get through the early stages of a relationship without using alcohol may have substance abuse issues. Is he perpetually late, always offering bogus excuses? He doesn’t value your time so don’t expect him to suddenly be punctual when you need him to be somewhere important. Do you get a sense he is hiding something when he finds reasons why you can never come to his place? Key into your visceral responses when you pick up vibes that don’t sit right with you. Don’t make the mistake so many women make, thinking that all these negative behaviors will change once he falls in love with you. They won’t. They may even get worse.
Do not say yes every time he asks you out Saying sorry, I’m busy, to every third or fourth date guarantees to keep him interested and challenged to win you over. If he asks you why you are busy keep it vague saying you already had plans for that night. Then suggest the following evening. That is all he needs to know. He will wonder if there is another man in the picture and that will set off his hunter instincts. This will drive him mad with desire trying to figure out where you are and who you are with.
Now I just want to add, the best way to do this is to actually be busy with your life so much so that you’re not glued to your phone waiting for him to text, as opposed to pretending to have a full life when really you’re just sitting at home waiting for him to text and then not responding for a certain amount of time to make it seem like you’re busy with other things.
Remember, when a man pulls away due to stress it has nothing to do with you or his feelings for you. I understand that you think he should open up to you, but you can’t place these expectations on him. Why? Because he is wired differently than you. You wouldn’t appreciate being forced into doing something that went against your nature and the same is true for him. When someone forces us to be a certain way it’s violating and invasive. It’s a breach of our boundaries and it’s disrespectful.
Men are always more attracted to women who seem successful, independent (in career and in personal interests) and who are “busier” than average. This immediately shows a man you can handle yourself and your own issues, and you don’t “need” him to save you. The fact that you’re busy all the time shows high value – he really has to try to get your attention!
You may want to actually have a good idea on what you’re talking about before making conclusions about people. One of the things Eric stresses in many of his articles is that a woman needs to be happy with her own life and love herself before she can truly be happy in a relationship. He also points out that if a woman is happy on her own, she will attract love and that it is then up to her to decide if a man is right for her. Kinda sounds like she’s the one in control of her own happiness. How is that sexist? In order to learn, you need to read the entire articles, not just pick out the parts that you can twist into being offensive. However, it’s quite clear that you have some serious anger issues towards men, in which case, how can you possibly expect to be in a happy relationship with one?
You are in many ways his wife and his mistress in one person. You have perfect control over your emotions. You always present your “better self” to him. You avoid all the clingy behaviors that you know will turn him off. You’re friendly and mature…because you know you’re attractive. You don’t have to throw a tantrum just to keep his interest. No desperate tactics.
There’s a fine line between being your most charming self and getting lost in mind-games. One way to help distinguish which side of that line you’re on is whether or not you feel like you’re being yourself. If you find yourself resorting to methods that don’t feel true to you, that’s a red flag. Even if you do manage to snag the object of your affection, are you really going to want to keep up these tricks during the relationship?
Hi Adam. I’ve been talking to a man I met on pof for 6 weeks. We get along incredibly well, have very long phone conversations laugh a lot. He pursued me hardcore until I gave in to a date. Went out twice got along great. He always begged me to come over to snuggle at night. So one night I finally get up the nerve to go over but no official invite that particular night, thought it would be a cute surprise. He was drinking with friends that night (he went out and I had a previous engagement as well) but let me in and was surprised to see me. We fool around a little bit and he let’s me know that he isn’t able to have sex due to too much drinking that evening. We snuggle for an hour then I leave. He’s been a little distant for a week now. He still calls every day but never flirty texts anymore, not hardcore pursuing anymore and hasn’t made any plans to see me although we could have seen each other since then. He seemed to like me so much before, what did I do wrong? Should I still continue to talk to him on the phone or just hang it up?
When you show a guy that you are a giver and self-less person, he’s going to love you more. Taking the time to help others, says a lot about you. When you volunteer your time at the local hospital, to help collect donations for cancer, or to feed the homeless at Christmas time, you’re showing your guy what a great catch you are. He can’t help but love you more for this.
My bf an I have been dating for the past year an a half we don’t live together nor live in the same city, we only really see each other on weekends, it was amazing at first for the first part of the year of being together then all of a sudden he started accusing me of cheating on him with others guys let alone my daughter’s dad that I haven’t been with for 6 plus years, that im using drugs.. so tired of being accused of stupid things I’m ready to start doing them.. do you have any advice?
So it is not wrong for you to have the ‘problem’ of a man pulling away, even if you’re in a committed relationship. This is because men and women have different motivations, different perceptions of the world, and they value different things. This doesn’t mean that our values and wants cannot mesh together and create beauty in the world – they certainly can. But not without also having clashes along the way, which are 100% normal in man/woman relationships.
Have you ever noticed that when you put all of your focus on someone it seems to push them away? That's why removing your focus from your ex will actually draw him closer to you! This is when meeting new friends will come in handy. If you really want your ex to miss you, you need to step outside of your comfort zone a bit. Of course it is important to keep a strong support system and keep the friends that you have made throughout the years, but expanding your social circle and making a few new friends can’t hurt either. By expanding your circle, it will fill up your social calendar with various events and outings to keep you busy and to keep your mind off of your ex.
It is scientifically proven that low testosterone can make men pull away, act distant and have mood swings. Irritable Male Syndrome (a.k.a male PMS) can occur anytime and can affect their relationship. If your man is avoiding you or trying to avoid you, he may be having IMS and it will get back to normal as soon as his testosterone get back to normal. If you have an intimate relationship with him and he is avoiding having sexual intercourse with you, it maybe because of his IMS that can also cause a lower sex drive or even erectile dysfunction. If you notice of these symptoms in your man, you should try to find out what exactly is happening, so you will know for sure why he is pulling away from you. Click here to read more about men having hormonal differences.
Wow, the anger. No wonder you may be having relationship issues. It has nothing to do with lying or hiding true feelings. It’s about letting a guy have his space. If you come after me saying how horrible I am etc. etc. I will NEVER want to see you again. Nobody likes that kind of women, and no man wants to date his mother. Also pulling away is not “bad behavior.” Would you rather he spend time with you but verbally and physically abuse you? Bad behavior is if the guy is rude and abusive and mean, etc. Pulling away is a man’s way of saying “Look, I like you a lot, but I really need some time and space to sort things out.” If you can’t accept that not everything is rosy and happy all the time, and that if the man you “love” needs to pull away and you just bark and say “you’re behaving badly,” then you have no reason to be in a relationship.
Men do enjoy being in relationships (when it’s with the right woman, that is), but at the same time, most men have a huge fear of losing their freedom and getting trapped in a situation with a woman who sucks them dry and leaves them feeling drained and uninspired. A man will feel “free” in a relationship when he’s with a woman who is whole and fulfilled in her life and doesn’t rely on the relationship to meet her every need.
I don’t care if you like it. I don’t care if you think it’s fair or unfair. It is a simple truth that people value those who bring a unique, special, meaningful value to the table. If you honestly think that you can have a man want to choose you and only you forever without bringing something deeply valuable to him… then you’re either choosing very low -quality men or you just haven’t thought through reality yet.
If you find that you never ever want space from him, it’s time for you to start finding your own space anyway. It’s not healthy for couples to spend all their time together. It can cause you to neglect your friends, family, and self. You can start to rely too much on this man (and, in my mind, you always need just a dose of independence for yourself) and lose your identity.
It sounds like he only wants this to be a friends with benefits relationship. While it seems like he has developed some feelings over the years, he does not want it to be anything more. He has had plenty of time to officially date you if he wanted to, and he hasn’t. As long as you are okay with a friends with benefits relationship, continue seeing him. If you want something more out of a relationship, then you should probably end things with him and move on.
It has been proven that people appreciate the things that they invest in. For example, you’re more likely to fall in love and take better care of an expensive handbag if it took you 12 months worth of savings to purchase it. But for the purse your cousin gifted you for your 21st birthday, it stays crammed in the back of your closet. You didn’t have to work very hard to obtain it, so it doesn’t hold the same type of sentimental value to you. The same principal applies to relationships. People care more when they put more effort into their relationships, so if you want your guy to commit, you have to get him to invest in you!
As an example, if he brings up his favorite band, ask him to show you what he thinks their best tracks are. Even if you’re a country-loving bumpkin, keep an open mind about his heavy-metal. If your relationship grows, you can show your devotion by surprising him with tickets to that excessively loud, long-hair-whipping band. Though you may be hiding earplugs, he’ll appreciate you tolerating the base pulsing through your chest.
Me (34y) and my boyfriend (37y) went on a break after a 2y relationship , the first year was almost long distance ( 4-5h drive). We have been through arguments for the last months and I was expecting him a marriage proposal since I had mentioned my goal of dating and he has told he has been looking for the same thing. within these 2 years I have visited his relatives and hanging out with our friends and my family ( his parents are not in the same country). in our last conversation about a month ago and before the break, he said our intimacy and closeness has become less than it used to be and this makes him worried about the future life. after we agreed to go on a break over a text, we did not argue about the time and any rules. after a week I asked him to talk over the phone and suggesting that we can work on our relationship and ask help from couple therapists. He agreed somehow but also told he needs to think more. after 2 weeks and not hearing from him, I texted him and suggesting an end date. he told he would call me within a week but he did not. He texted me back and apologized and asked that he needed more days. I am confused and do not know what to do. I am surprised that he does not miss me? if we were in an argument or not a happy condition, he would have never stopped texting me before. it has been now a month of break and I just had texted him a couple of times within the first 2 weeks. I understand that he needs the space and need to work on his decisions. his birthday would be in a couple of days and I do not know what to do and I can not predict our future and if it is really a break our a breakup!
My live in boyfriend of 5 in a half years has pulled away after I became preganant and it was a planned pregnancy. He says he wants space to reflect on our relationship but still wants to work things out and is going to make an appointment with a therapist. Should I give him this space and back off? I find this situation difficult because I feel alone during my pregnancy. He also started seeing someone else just a few days of me moving out. Should I just give up on him? I still love him.