So many red flags! He seems abusive. For starters, he shouldn’t be calling you names and putting you down. And the fact that he dislikes your being independent and ought to be cleaning or cooking for him is so sexist, I can’t even… All this leads me to believe he will be physically and more emotionally abusive as time goes by. Run as far away as possible. I know it’s hard, but I don’t see your situation getting better. Stay safe.
I’ve been in a long distance relationship for a little over a year. We have been through so much in the time we’ve been together and I can honestly say that I am in love with him. He started to drift away and I kept pushing. Today I asked him did he need a break and he told me he think he did. I immediately felt heartbroken and didn’t know what to do so I panicked. I started to tell him how I didn’t want a break and that I wanted to fix it. I asked him what changed and he told me everything. I then begged him to just try. I realized that I’m forcing the relationship witch will only have a heavier hurt in the end . There’s so much more behind this but here’s the basis. I told him I loved him then I asked him could we please keep trying. He replied I love you too and said okay. Shortly after I regrettably started to nag him to talk to me. He then began to ignore me. I realized that I’m making him feel trapped in this relationship and that’s the last thing I want to do. So I sent him this a couple of hours ago : I realized that I haven’t been being myself at all and I’m sorry for that. I’m forcing you and I don’t want to do that to you. I realized that you were pulling away and I kept trying to push you back in. I’ve always told you that I love you and even if we are not together I want you to be happy. I’ve been thinking about this all night and the dream I had really opened my eyes.i Really do love you and as much as this hurts i never wanted you to feel like you are trapped in a relationship. If you really need a break and need time I’m willing to give you that. I just wish it didn’t have to result to a break because only god knows how much I’ll miss you ♀️ but if it’s what you really want than I understand. I am patiently waiting on a response. I honestly just want to know, if I really give him the time will he come back or have I completely blew it already ?
Speaking of phones, take a look at your message history with your crush. Do all of the chats begin with you sending the first message? If so, hold off contacting him. It’s OK to give him the space to take initiative. If he doesn’t, don’t be too bummed. It could be that he loves talking to you but has grown accustomed to you being the one to start things off.
Your articles always leave me teary-eyed, Renee. They are full of brilliant and compassionate insights. You speak of being authentic, you speak of trusting in the infinite perfection of the universe to give back what we put in. You speak of having a pure open hearted connection and leaving our fears at the door. This article made me cry. And I think it’s because it rang so true. We all want to be admired and trusted. I feel like whenever a man fell in love with me, it was after he revealed something shameful to me and I just accepted… Read more »
#5 He is stressed out at work. Men are not like women. They are not multi-taskers. If he is preoccupied with something like work, he probably isn’t capable of keeping his focus on two things at once. If you notice that he’s no longer as interested as he used to be, it’s important for you to start looking not only at his behavior but at what is going on with his family and work life as well. It may have absolutely nothing to do with you at all.
Schedule a girls night out with your friends. Leave your man home by himself. Give him a hug and kiss, and then say “see you later.” Make him miss you — and show him that you’re not in a codependent relationship with him — that you have a social life, too. If he wants space, then give him space, while have a fun time with your friends outside of your relationship. When a man pulls away after being in a LTR for a while, sometimes it means he feels trapped or suffocated or obligated to you, or that he’s losing his freedom or sense of self because you’re now “all coupling all the time.” Immersing himself in work is a way for him to pull away from this codependence and gain a sense of self and independence. If you’re really worried, do an evaluation of your relationship — are you getting too clingy, needy, or do you want to do things with him 24/7 … are you having a codependent relationship? Is that the reason why your guy is pulling away? Sometimes, the issue may not just be his, but also yours.
I was reading your article and I just had to write to you and ask for your guidance. I have been seeing a married man for almost two years. Everything was great and it seemed as we were going to be together then I am not sure what happened about 2-3 months ago that he just started to pull away and makes the excuse that he’s doing what he’s doing to protect us. Not sure what that means…. Confused, and heart broken
As humans, we value things we need to work for, and if something we work for suddenly gets pulled away, it drives us crazy. So while he might have thought he could coast along, texting you to get together whenever it was convenient for him, you’ve made it clear that you value yourself more than that. He will need to work hard to be in your world…and your cool and collected response makes him want to.
Sometimes men pull away for the same reasons we do . Ex: they have a huge stress related pimple and because most men don’t wear makeup, they can’t hide it, and they are embarrassed. Just because men exhibit different behavior than we do ( all that “manly” conditioning) doesn’t mean they are so different than we are. Let’s stop talking about men and women like we are different species and we need to study each other. Neither men nor women have a collective mind. Let’s just treat each other as individuals and take every case into account. I met the nicest, sweetest guy a year ago. Doesn’t mean it’s all been perfect, but he’s an individual just like I am and this b.s. “guys do this” and “women do that” is just not helpful to anyone. I love my short, stocky, loudmouth best friend/ sometimes bf dearly. First, and foremost, hes my best friend, the best friend I have ever had, when he’s not being a pain in the ass. But he’s still my best friend, and I love him, I hope we will always be friends.
Many women treat men in ways that diminish their egos, making them feel inadequate. Men would rather have more praise, more acknowledgment of what they do right, and more acknowledgment that they are great guys who are loved and appreciated. Women think men do not need them, and do not value their opinion, their support, or their praise. Women also think men do not care about many things that are important to women, which is why they criticize. Criticism can be a way to verbalize resentment.
When you’ve won his affection, you don’t want to give up all of your time for him. Your man is not going to miss you if you’re constantly available. Instead of spending the whole weekend together, take a night off and go out with your friends. Not only will it make your man miss you, it’ll keep you sane. Don’t worry about him enjoying the free time. Your man may seem to enjoy the time alone at first, but eventually your man will crave more time with you. Of course, giving him space to enjoy his alone time is going to make you look confident and less clingy. Guys really like it when the girl they’re interested in isn’t always in his business. Give him his space and he’ll be calling you up in no time to hang out.
Even though every relationship has its ups and downs, successful couples have learned how to manage the bumps and keep their love life going, says marriage and family therapist Mitch Temple, author of The Marriage Turnaround. They hang in there, tackle problems, and learn how to work through the complex issues of everyday life. Many do this by reading self-help books and articles, attending seminars, going to counseling, observing other successful couples, or simply using trial and error.